Candlelight

Today was a productive day, if you can believe it. Case and I went to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf over on 10th, and finally spent the gift card I got from his folks last Christmas. I had some jasmine and green tea, Case had a vanilla latte, and I also bought some loose-leaf genmaicha green and a tea ball - it has a bumblebee on the end; the selection was limited, it was either bumblebee or ladybug, and they were supposed to have dragonflies but they must have been a popular choice.

After that, we cleaned up most of the common area of the house. The pool table is still covered with boxes, and a lot of Tucker's and Travis' stuff is sitting on the landing at the stairs, but for the most part, things are organized and/or clean.

My contributions - vacuuming the rugs, shaking out the door rug, washing out the cookie jar, consolidating some of Terri's boxes on the pool table, consolidating Audrey's toys into one corner of the living room, opening up the area in front of the fireplace (as the Stark's say, "Winter is Coming"), and dusting off the top of the television (it was a mess!).

Case's contributions - cleaning up most of the kitchen area; doing dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor, cleaning the fryer tray, cleaning countertops, taking out the trash.

Our room is the next target - I already took down most of the dishes, except for the plate I brought up tonight for my Hot Pockets. My little "barrier" between me and the door has mostly been eliminated as well, and a lot of my clothes are clean. However, my half of the desk top is a cluttered mess, as is most of the other flat surfaces in the room, so I imagine that'll be my project. And, of course, the rugs are covered with fragments of sunflower seed shells.

What else? Case broke his chair yesterday, now has two legs of five broken, pretty much useless unless he props it up with something. He's sitting in one of the spare dining room chairs now. Actually, at this very moment he's sleeping on the futon, with Kosmo curled up next to him. I know that as soon as I get in, Kosmo will shift himself and lie down on whichever arm is closest to the middle of the bed, depending on how I'm laying.

In the dark, lit only by my computer screen and a single scented candle, I think about secrets. I think about my conversations with my friend, how he's struggling to maintain some normalcy in his life. Because of the stress and strain, he's going to have to withdraw from his classes, and finish his credits next semester. He also has to move out of the place he's been staying - the apartment he was sharing with his girlfriend - to live with his dad, at least until he begins house-sitting over the winter.
But I started out with secrets... and I suppose one that is half a secret is that this friend has done some harmless flirting and winking with me online - that same sort of banter that happens between two people who've had a bit of a history, and are still good friends. Pretty rare, eh? Here's another thing to think about - when you see advertisements mentioning "no strings attached", you should have a good sense that it's too good to be true. That holds true with affairs as well - there will always be strings, always be some sort of guilt that will come and bite you in the ass later. I know this from my past experiences; that sort of guilt still raises its mournful head in my mind, making everything clench up like a fist. My friend expressed his interest in an NSA relationship; I'm sure he would like that with any of the girls he's been attracted to in the past, but in mentioning it to me, it strikes a particular chord.
For in the past, I would have been interested in one with him.
But the past is the past, and don't you forget it. Those days of open intimacy are over - I imagine that was as close to being a hippie as I could come, being in college and starting to live away from my parents' ideals. These days, I am much more blue-collar - I suppose there's something sad about that, not being as free or creative. But it's made up for the fact that I've found my soulmate, that I wear his ring with pride, that we will have our future together, with no strings necessary, save the ones that tie our hearts together.

I am devoted. I'm sympathetic to my friend's situation, but that particular confession of his has made me nervous. I suppose the distance between us is a good safety measure right now.

He also mentioned a friend of his, which set off a trigger in me. I had hung out with this friend of his from time to time - first met him when he was still happy in a relationship, but later were the times when I was on my own, with Case across the country, and I met up with the guy again. At first things were fine, but he was a psych student, and he tried to psychologically manipulate me into a more intimate situation. That enraged me... and I guess, after a while, I had forgotten, and blocked it out. The mention of his name set off that chilled, emotionless feeling in me - something close to dread, I guess - but I couldn't remember exactly why. After a few minutes, it came clearer to me. I also remembered that when I moved across the country, I had sent friendship invites back to most of the people who I had had issues with... but not this guy.
I looked up his profile and saw that he's in a relationship again. Looking at his open, gregarious face on his profile made me frown - how could such an innocent-looking guy make me feel so uncomfortable? With any luck, I will never encounter him again... or at the very least, I won't encounter him alone. The next time I'm back east, my love will be at my side - and the only way I'd be able to meet the creep would be in the presence of my good friend... and with those two good guys with me, what could go wrong?