What My Eyes Behold

Yesterday, during my 5-hour make-up nap jag, I woke up from a dream about the Tenth Doctor and Jack Harkness, and me. I remember that Jack was examining the cuts on my hands, and he was actually tasting them to find out what caused them. At first I felt slightly aroused, but it deteriorated fast - as handsome as Jack is, I know he's a flirt and that it really was business rather than pleasure. In real life, there are a few cuts on my fingers, but not nearly as many as he was tasting.
The Doctor was going to have a dance competition. I beckoned him over and gave him a kiss on the cheek "for luck". I felt like Martha, because I knew that the love I felt for him wasn't going to be requited. I watched, from above, as The Doctor and his partner started out with great energy, and she was stumbling... but she regained control, she had skill, and he fell. As though my eyes were the camera's PoV, I could zoom in and see that The Doctor... was crying. There was a flurry of action, and I found The Doctor wrapped up in something. As I unwrapped his face, I saw that he had jowls, had gained weight somehow - a punishment. He tried to turn away from me, but I held onto his head and kissed his forehead, and cried a little for his own frustration and failure.
Later in the dream, The Doctor was restored to his geeky, cheekboned self. I was prepping a bunk-bed for him, and he clambered up there. Then he reached down and took one of my hands, then the other - crossed hands. His caresses... felt so real, and so comforting. When I woke up from that sleep, I felt so refreshed, renewed.

Today I saw someone at work who reminded me of Case. The same dark hair, the same sort of face, the same build - he was shorter, his nose was larger and a tad longer, and he wore a black baseball cap backwards on his head. His glasses looked like they had been mended with electrical tape. Yet he reminded me of Case so much that I had a struggle trying to not stare, and yet my eyes were always drawn to him. I hope he wasn't too creeped out... it really was beyond my control, so I was both saddened and relieved when Aline asked me to keep edging the lenses, away from the lab windows. It shows how much that I miss Case, and how much that I want to see him. When I told him about this, he was really flattered, said that I knew how to make a guy feel wanted, feel loved.

This all shows how starved I am for physical contact, especially from the man I love. I've been solitary for far too long - I know it's not going to continue for much longer, but even waiting for these days feels like torture. Tomorrow night will be a week before Case flies out here, Wednesday morning a week before he arrives. I still need to pack my little things that I won't be taking, and start sorting out what things I'd be willing to put in a give-away box in front of my building. It's laundry, shopping, and phone-call day tomorrow, too. So much to do, and I know I can do it fast, I just need to get my focus to that point and keep it there.

Wednesday night I should dismantle my speaker system so I can bring it home on Thursday. Yeah.

Planning ahead,
Grety